We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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