You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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