i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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