Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
