What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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