a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
