there's paper in my vomit.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
