Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
