ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize