I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
cat food counts as protein by the way
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Randomize
