Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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