Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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