I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
he fucked my hip out of place.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
