im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
