I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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