I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
