She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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