Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
