everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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