And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
