Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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