i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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