i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
