Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
