the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
