we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
