i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
