Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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