Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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