Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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