youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
My underwear smells like fireworks.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize