His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize