The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You've changed since you got that strap on
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
