What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You're like the curious george of whores
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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