Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
