NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I could fuck to npr.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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