dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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