oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
