Well douche your snatch and let's go!
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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