I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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