Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
