I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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