Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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