last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
