"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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