Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
