EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
