I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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