I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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