I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
