He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
