so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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