Umm I'm too high to move.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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