he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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