I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
