I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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