R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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