accomplished twins. life is a go
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
