dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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