Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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