Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize