after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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