pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize