New low: just hacked my moms facebook
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
