That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
