I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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